It has been nearly 15 months since the murder of Odin Lloyd in a North Attleboro parking lot and now his mother is speaking with 7News about how she remembers her son.

“I wish I was there to take the bullets for him. I wish I was there,” Ursula Ward said.

Lloyd’s mom says not a day goes by that she doesn’t ache to see her only son again.

“It’s not getting any easier. It’s getting harder and harder because you are actually facing reality that you are never going to see your child again,” Ward said. “I miss most of all my son’s smile.”

7News is the only station seeing one of the last home videos of Lloyd smiling and happy in his mom’s kitchen sharing a meal with his family. His younger sister says she idolized him.

“I wish I would have told him how proud I was of everything he did and how much I wanted to be like him,” Shaquilla Thibou said.

Lloyd was a 27-year-old semi-pro football player with the Boston Bandits. He became friends with former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez, who police say drove him to an industrial park and killed him.

“Every time I go to court I would go to my son’s grave and just ask him to just hug me tight when he sees that I’m about to fall apart. I’ve been feeling his arms around me several times saying ‘ma, I got this, I got you ma,’” Ward said.

The family says they don’t think Lloyd was afraid of Hernandez or knew he was in danger.

“Knowing my son, if he knows that his life was in danger he wouldn’t have gone with anyone,” Ward said.

His family has now filed a civil lawsuit against Hernandez demanding he pay for Lloyd’s death.

“In the end I think the goal really should be to make sure that folks remember the name Odin Lloyd long after they forget the name Aaron Hernandez,” Doug Sheff, the family’s attorney, said.

Lloyd’s mother said she is trying to do more than forget the accused murderer.

“I’m actually trying to forgive. I’m asking God to give me the strength to be able to forgive. I’m an angry person right now because I’m never going to see my baby,” Ward said.

Ward said even a year and a half after her son’s death she still visits his grave twice a day to take care of the flowers.

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